She knew I used tablets but she didn’t know the full extent. I didn’t deserve her support but she gave it to me. I broke down to my GF one night and told her the full extent of the issue. I knew I had a problem but I never had the guts to own it and deal with it. Things went on like this for another 5 years which brings me to about the present time. How my GF put up with me I will never know. My personal life suffered I no longer had the energy to do things I once enjoyed and I was quite content sitting on the couch eating junk food. On the opiates, everything in life felt smooth and rounded, off the drugs the world felt too sharp and spiky. I met my girlfriend and my work never really suffered as I had never really worked a full day without opiates in my system anyway so working sober was alien to me. A by-product of my addiction was that I had become accomplished at lying, cheating and stealing. By some miracle I managed to hold down a good job and perform well. My tolerance level was so high I could knock down 300mg of morphine liquid in one sitting and not feel very much. At the very height of my addiction, I was taking close to a gram of dihydrocodeine every day and I had graduated to Oxycodone or Morphine if I could get it without raising suspicion. Holidays were a nightmare, I couldn’t risk taking drugs abroad so I just had to suffer from withdrawal when I should have been enjoying a holiday. I couldn’t function without the pills, I tried stopping but it turned me into a lifeless zombie and I very quickly jumped back on the opiate bandwagon. I had access to these medications very easily so theft was basically how I kept my habit going. I had graduated from university but I had an uncontrollable addiction to any opiate tablet or liquid I could get my hands on. I had never injected but this was only because I had no access to injectables and felt it was too risky to pursue it.įast forward about 3 years. I justified it by saying I could stop whenever I wanted but that was a lie I had convinced myself of. I moved on to tramadol and then morphine if I could get it. I still had plenty of access to it and I enjoyed doing it but things were riskier, co-codamol just didn’t satisfy me anymore and I had to use far more just to get that same feeling. I had stopped taking them once a week and gradually started taking them every day without really noticing I was sinking into an addiction. I didn’t even notice the change when it happened but eventually I didn’t feel “normal” without taking codeine. I didn’t use anymore for a few weeks but by then I was itching to recreate that initial feeling.įor the first few months it was fine. I felt like I was on a cloud and I just loved everyone and everything. I had a sports injury and somebody mentioned co-codamol would help. I was a student at University and I had a part-time job in a place with access to medicines. Very few people know about my battle with drugs over the last 10 years and I felt like writing it down here as a way of coming to terms with it all.
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